wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
