Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
