She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
