I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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