I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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