every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
