remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
