there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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