My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
