Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
