Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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