We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
