I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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