non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
