happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
