i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
