last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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