Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
