she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
