can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
