my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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