Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
