He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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