I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
