I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
