How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
