please come you make the beer taste better
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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