I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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