it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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