You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
