I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
