capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
