He kissed a someone with a penis
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
