I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
