Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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