She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
