just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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