Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
