i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
