And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
