So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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