I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
