So drunk its hurt
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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