I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Be still, my beating vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want to make out with him forever
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
