Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
