Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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