I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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