Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
