I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
