I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is Oprah even human
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
