Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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