I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
