i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
