There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
40s are totally the cure
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
