so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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